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Crazy Home Improvement Stories Brought to you by:
The Crazy Contractor
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The Crazy Contractor
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"Bill
Gets A House"
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Bill:
"There are a few issues we need to discuss."
Contractor:
"Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first
90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"
Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think
it's a little smaller than we anticipated."
Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by
the release date."
Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."
Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a
new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker."
Bill: "Stacker?"
Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture
into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment
center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an
empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack
what you need and then put it back when you're done."
Bill: "Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is the
light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't
fit. The threads run the wrong way."
Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and play.
You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."
Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not
rectangular. How do I fix that?"
Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical
system."
Bill: "You're kidding!?"
Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."
Bill: "sigh Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I
have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The
water pressure drops so low that the showers don't work."
Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is
failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access
from other fixtures."
Bill: "And how do I fix that?"
Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the
house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the
house and then you can get back to work."
Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you
selling me?"
Contractor: "Hey, if you don't like it nobody made you buy it."
Bill: "And when will this be fixed?"
Contractor:
"Oh, in your next house -- which will be ready to release sometime
near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but
we've had some delays..."
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Blonde -
contractor
| There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the
contractor and set an appointment to meet with him. When the contractor
came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors
she would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she
would like a nice, warm cream color. The contractor wrote something down
on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, ''Greenside up.'' The
lady is a little confused, but doesn't say anything, and they continue
to the dining room where she tells him, ''I would like a nice warm white
in here, nothing stark.'' The contractor writes something down on his
pad, then walks to the window and again yells, ''Greenside up!'' The
lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They
continue to her bedroom and she says, ''I would like a nice, cool,
relaxing blue in here.'' The contractor writes something on his pad and
again walks to the window and yells, ''Greenside up.'' The woman is now
totally perplexed and says to the contractor, ''Three times I have told
you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you
walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?'' The
contractor replies, ''You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the
street.'' |
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